Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
