were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
