If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
