Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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