And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
