We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
