I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
