a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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