After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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