when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
