I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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