I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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