So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
