Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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