Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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