Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
