So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
