I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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