Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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