I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
