? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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