Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
