I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
