can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
God I need to hump something, right now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
