you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
