the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Randomize
