There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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