she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
