I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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