we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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