Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
