shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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