I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
