Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
