Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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