He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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