Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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