I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
