Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you had me at cake vodka
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
