there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
