Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
