i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I want a musical about memes.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
