Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
