god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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