weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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