and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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