Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
