There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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