is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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