I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
