the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
