you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
