dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
