I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
