No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
