Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
