okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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