We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We got so high we made milksteak
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
