I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
