Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
