do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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