pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
