Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize