I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
