I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize