dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
