ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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