Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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