Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
