seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize