I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
