thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
