sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize