Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
