Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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