Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
