well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
