After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
