somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
