It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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