Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
