I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
