yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
