the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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