That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
