I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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