OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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