The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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