She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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