i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
