do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize