your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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