Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
