remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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