What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize