I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
