How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
