I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
