I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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