Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
