did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
