I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
