my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
