Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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