and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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