Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
