you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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