Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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