Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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